


What Lurks in the Bushes

by Dracoduceus



Series: Smooth River Stones [3]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Ana Amari does what she wants, Brainwashing, Cat, Crack Treated Seriously, Cyberninja Hanzo Shimada, Gardening, Memory Loss, Slow recovery, Zenyatta is innocent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23665726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dracoduceus/pseuds/Dracoduceus
Summary: Ana joins Cyberninja and Bastion in the garden. There she finds out what trouble those two have been getting into.
Series: Smooth River Stones [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619776
Comments: 31
Kudos: 96





	What Lurks in the Bushes

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a silly little thing and fully blame [ for this. ](https://twitter.com/ichigowhiskey)[As promised on Twitter](https://twitter.com/dracoduceus/status/1249058471905034251), this is a much lighter addition to the series because these boys deserve nice things. 
> 
> I thought about posting it under the McHanzo relationship tag but in this oneshot they're not _technically_ together, don't act like it, and Hanzo's past marriage with McCree is not a very important detail in this piece.

“What is that on your back, Cyberninja?” Ana asked very slowly in a way that made it think that it had done something wrong.

As if sensing its distress, the cat on its back hissed. It shifted, its claws digging into its armor and clothes and its tail curled around one of the ties of its pants. The cat gave another popping hiss when Ana moved around it to get a better look.

She laughed but it was still wary. “Well?”

Bastion trilled. It is a cat, they said. It’s been hanging around the gardens and they were all very fond of it.

Still Cyberninja hesitated. Pets were frivolous things and were never allowed unless they were useful. It had heard of scent hounds but never a scent  _ cat _ . In Talon, it knew what would happen to the cat and for a brief moment it was paralyzed by fear that the same might be true in Overwatch.

Ana smiled gently. “We won’t hurt it,” she told it solemnly and it believed her. Thus far Ana had given it every reason to trust her.

Very gently it reached back for the cat and coaxed it into its arms. It gave another popping hiss at Ana.

“As I thought,” Ana said, putting a hand to her lips. “And where did you find this?  _ How? _ ”

So, it explained how it and Bastion had heard something crying in the bushes while they gardened. How it had seen a whole family of them leaving but had left the cat in its arms behind. It had been sick so Cyberninja had brought some of its ration out to feed it.

Throughout the story it watched Ana’s face and was perplexed that she seemed to be hiding laughter. “Oh you big softie,” she laughed. “Now do you know just  _ what _ you saved?”

“It…is a cat,” it said hesitantly.

Ana smiled. “A cat?”

“It is a cat,” it said a little more confidently. “Park Dae-hyun said that cats have reflective eyes.”

“They do.”

“And it has four legs like a cat.”

Ana smiled. “It does. And a long tail. Though some breeds or species of cat don’t have long tails.”

“Zenyatta said that cats hiss and have sharp teeth,” it said. “They are hunters like canines.” As if to prove its point, the cat in its arms bared its teeth and gave another popping hiss.

“I’m upsetting it, aren’t I?” Ana asked. “I’ll step back.”

The cat grumbled, grunted, and climbed over its shoulder again when she had stepped back a few paces. Ana was still smiling that indulgent smile so it thought that it probably wasn’t in trouble.

“It knows that pets are banned—”

“They usually are,” Ana agreed. “By people who hate fun.”

“They are a liability,” it protested weakly.

“They can be,” Ana said. “And can be very costly. But since your cat here is mostly feral, I don’t think feeding it will be too much of a problem. Where have you been keeping it?”

It hesitated. “It stays outside,” it admitted.

“Just as well,” Ana said. “I don’t think it’d do too well indoors. Is it hungry right now?”

Bastion wondered if Cyberninja would be allowed to keep its cat. They were excited for it if so.

“What did they say?” Ana asked and it dutifully translated. “I don’t see why not,” she said. “You keep it outside and it seems to be half-wild, though it has attached itself to you.” The cat on its back hissed. “Quite literally,” she added. “Who else knows about your cat?”

“Bastion, Zenyatta, and you,” it answered truthfully.

Ana hummed. “For now, let’s keep it that way. If anyone protests, find me, understand? Come straight to me—and tell them to do the same. Do you understand?”

Perplexed, Cyberninja nodded and confirmed the order. No more was said as Ana joined them in the garden. Under Bastion’s direction, she pruned some of the rose bushes and the gardenias that had been so prized by Hanzo. 

Seeing that she was leaving, the cat scrambled up to Hanzo’s shoulder and grumbled. It pet the cat gently and looked up to find Ana watching it with an amused smile. “What are you going to call it?” 

“Call it?” it asked. 

“What are you going to name it?” Ana explained. “If it’s your pet, you can name it.” 

For a long moment it considered that. Was that why Talon named it? It had been Hanzo before and now it was not. Certainly, McCree hadn’t named it. Was the name “Cyberninja” another sign of ownership? Just like Widowmaker and Sigma?

“It does not own this cat,” it said cautiously. “One does not own living things.” 

Ana hummed. “You ‘own’ it in that you are responsible for its care,” she explained. “So what will you name your cat?” For some reason she seemed very amused. 

“Cat,” it said. “Because that is what it is and it does not have the right to name it.” Bastion trilled their approval as Zenyatta and its handler came outside. 

“Hello, Cyberninja,” Zenyatta said serenely. “Ana. Bastion. How are you doing today?” 

Bastion trilled a welcome. They noted that it is a nice day out. Did they bring food for a picnic? It should be time for Cyberninja’s next meal. 

Its handler lifted a large basket. “Zarya will join us shortly. Cyberninja, are you hungry?” 

Careful of Cat clinging to its back, it stood and dusted its gloves off. The gloves were a new addition, a gift from Bastion with Ana’s help and were to be worn while gardening. 

“What is your status?” its handler amended. 

“Fuel is low,” Cyberninja said and its handler nodded. At his gesture, it stepped up to the table to help him unload the basket. Likely smelling food, Cat shifted and climbed up its back to peek over its shoulder. 

Its handler nearly dropped the basket and it caught it quickly. Clinging to its back, Cat gave a popping hiss. 

“Cyberninja,” its handler said slowly. “What is on your back?” 

With its free hand, it reached back and touched Cat. “This...is Cat.” 

“Cat,” its handler echoed, looking at Ana as she came over.

“I told him that people that don’t like pets hate fun,” Ana said. “You don’t hate fun, right?” It wondered if that counted as a threat against its handler. Though Ana’s facial expression seemed pleasant enough, she did seem to be looming threateningly over its handler despite being shorter than him. “Besides. I think a pet would be good for him.”

Its handler sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m not mad or upset,” he told Cyberninja almost before it could wonder if he was. “It’s just…that’s not a pet, it’s a wild animal. It  _ shouldn’t _ be kept as a pet.”

“It’s not  _ really _ a pet,” Ana said, rolling her eye.

“Then why did you—”

“He keeps it outdoors and it wanders over to him whenever he’s in the garden. Right, Bastion?” Bastion trilled and warbled in what was clearly agreement.

Its handler sighed. “I’m not upset,” he told Cyberninja. “I promise. Just…” he looked at Cat, whose head was still peering over its shoulder, its little nose twitching as it smelled the food. “Why did you name it Cat?”

“It is a cat.”

Very slowly its handler lowered his face into his hands. “It’s what now?” he asked in a cracked voice.

“It was told that a cat has four legs.”

“It does,” its handler agreed, his voice now a squeak.

It wondered if it should be concerned and hesitated. “Zenyatta said that cats hiss and have sharp teeth. Park Dae-hyun said that cats have reflective eyes.”

“You talked to Dae-hyun?” its handler asked, surprised. “And how the  _ hell _ did cats come up in that conversation?”

“He said that it has eyes like a cat,” it explained.

“Not quite,” its handler corrected while Ana squinted at its face. “But in low light your eyes do sometimes reflect light. Some animals have it due to the tissues in their eyes that allow for vision in low light. It’s called eyeshine.”

“Huh,” Ana said. “I didn’t even notice. Those aren’t Hanzo’s eyes. I had thought that they seemed different—aside from the entity behind them, of course—but they physically aren’t, are they?”

Its handler waved off the questions. “Focus,” he said. “Go on and tell me more about cats, Cyberninja.”

Curious, it peered at its handler. “Ana said that cats sometimes have long tails.” It gently reached for Cat and eased it into its hands; it hissed at its handler, coiling its tail around its wrist.

Pressing his hands to his face, its handler took a deep breath. “Okay,” he said. “I can see where you’re going with that, but…” he took a deep breath. “Okay. The flaw in your logic is that you are not…detailed enough. Squirrels have sharp teeth and four legs and long tails but they’re much smaller.”

“But do squirrels hiss?” Ana countered.

Its handler glared at her. To Cyberninja it said, “ _ Point is _ that your logic is flawed and…” he made a strangled sound that almost seemed like a laugh. “I’m sorry, hon, that’s  _ not _ a cat.”

Cyberninja looked down at Cat who gave another popping hiss at its handler. “It does not understand.”

Its handler turned to Zenyatta and then Ana. “Why didn’t you correct him?”

“I am only 20,” Zenyatta said. “And I lived in a remote monastery.”

“I’m sure there were cats in Nepal,” Ana said dubiously.

“Not as many as you’d think,” Zenyatta replied.

“Not as many what as you would think?” Zarya asked as she approached.

Its handler jabbed a finger at Zenyatta. “He don’t know what a cat looks like. Neither does Cyberninja, for that matter.”

She made a strangled sound. “How do you not know what a cat looks like?”

“I’m not all-knowing.”

“No, but really,” its handler said. “You’re 20 years-old and you don’t know what a cat looks like.” Zenyatta shrugged. “I’m not sure what is weirder: that Zenyatta doesn’t know what a cat looks like or…” its handler gestured meaningfully at Cat who was scrambling over Cyberninja’s shoulder. It hissed at him one last time before scrambling into place between its shoulder struts.

A strange look crossed Zarya’s face. “What is  _ that _ ?”

“That is Cat,” Ana said as she took the basket from Cyberninja’s hands. “Cyberninja’s new friend.”

“That is not a cat,” Zarya said flatly. “Or if it is, it is the ugliest cat I’ve ever seen.” She paused and looked meaningfully at its handler. “And I’ve seen a lot of ugly cats.”

It was surprised at how hurt it felt on Cat’s behalf. Over its shoulder, Cat hissed again. Bastion trilled that she should be nice to Cat.

“Let Cyberninja have his fun,” Ana chided. “If he wants to keep Cat, let him. It’s mostly feral anyway and only comes out when he’s in the garden.”

Its handler scrubbed his face with a hand. “They’re good too. For health and environment. They eat ticks among other insects and since they’re resistant to many kinds of snake venom, they also tend to eat those as well.”

Zarya grunted and helped Ana to set out food. “What’s its name?”

It glanced at its handler who nodded encouragingly at it, though he seemed amused. “Cat.”

Very slowly, Zarya turned to look at it. “Cat,” she echoed. “You named it Cat.”

“Don’t discourage his creativity,” Ana said with a laugh as she made a sample plate for Cyberninja. “If he wants to call it Cat, let him call it Cat.” She made another small plate of fruit which she handed to Cyberninja. “Cat will like these, I think.”

Cyberninja stood and walked to the side away from the group to set the plate and Cat down to eat. It sniffed the plate suspiciously before biting into what Zarya had told it was an apple. Patting its back, Cyberninja returned to the table and sat down to fuel up.

“Am I going to have to be the one to ask?” Zarya asked as Cyberninja began to sip at its soup. Ana had explained that it was stew that had been watered down as otherwise it would be too rich for its systems; Zarya explained that there were vegetables in there that were crunchy before it was cooked in liquid to make them soft and sweet.

“Ask what?” Zenyatta asked serenely.

Zarya gestured to Cat who was munching happily on its plate of food. “What  _ is _ that?”

There was a long moment of silence at the table as they all looked at Cat. Its handler cleared his throat. “ _ Didelphis virginiana _ ,” he said. When they all looked at him, he huffed. “I have a degree in biology, okay? Or one of my aliases does.  _ Didelphis virginiana _ ,” he repeated. “A Virginia opossum.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I think that it goes without saying that you should never in real life try to keep an opossum as a pet. They are wild animals that belong in the wild. If you were to find a sick or injured opossum, you should immediately contact a local wildlife refuge/rehabilitation center. 
> 
> In any case, you can also find an adorable picture that [ did for me of ](https://twitter.com/ichigowhiskey)[Cyberninja and Cat](https://twitter.com/ichigowhiskey/status/1245117306960781313/photo/1). 
> 
> Love it? Hate it? Think that this monstrosity should never have been unleashed upon your poor eyes? Regret everything? Please let me know. I do love hearing from you all.
> 
> I can also be found on Twitter at [Dracoduceus](https://twitter.com/dracoduceus). 
> 
> ~DC


End file.
